Advocacy Archives - Amanda Bernardo

Balancing motherhood and mental health on World Mental Health Day

admin — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 15:38:10 +0000

As a new mom, World Mental Health Day feels particularly significant. It’s a time to pause, reflect, and share the importance of mental health, especially as I navigate the early stages of motherhood and look ahead to returning to work. Becoming a mother is a beautiful and transformative experience, but it’s also one that challenges your mental and emotional well-being in ways you never expected.

After giving birth to my son, I found myself in the midst of an emotional whirlwind. Postpartum hit me harder than I thought it would. The physical recovery was challenging, but the emotional side—feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious—was something I wasn’t fully prepared for.

The reality is that the weight of sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, and the immense responsibility of caring for a tiny human is hard … and that’s okay.

Building Resilience

Resilience as a new mom isn’t about pushing through and ignoring the hard days. It’s about allowing yourself grace and time to adjust. I’ve learned that resilience isn’t about being strong all the time—it’s about knowing when to ask for help, when to rest, and when to take moments for yourself.

When you’re in the thick of sleepless nights and diaper changes, it’s important to find small ways to recharge, whether it’s a short walk, a coffee break, or a moment to journal at night. These moments of pause and reflection help build emotional resilience. It’s about finding balance amidst the chaos and recognizing that your mental health needs care and attention just like your physical health.

Navigating the “Firsts”

The early days of motherhood are full of “firsts”—first smiles, first steps, first time leaving the house with your baby. Each new milestone brings joy, but also stress. There’s the constant pressure to get everything right, to know instinctively what your baby needs, and to manage the stress of doing it all while feeling like you’re never quite enough.

For me, stress comes from wanting to be the best mom, partner, and eventually, the best leader when I return to work. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers. Navigating the unknowns of motherhood is a reminder that mental health needs to be at the forefront, because stress, if left unchecked, can easily lead to burnout.

some tips to manage your stress:

1. Prioritize Self-Care (Even in Small Doses)

Find moments in your day to take care of yourself, even if it’s just a 10-minute break. A short walk, a quiet cup of tea, or a few deep breaths can make a big difference.

2. Accept Help and Delegate

It’s okay to ask for help! Whether it’s from your partner, family, or friends, lean on your support system. Delegate tasks when possible—there’s no need to do it all.

3. Practice Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques

Incorporate mindfulness, meditation, or simple breathing exercises into your day. These can help you center your thoughts and reduce stress in the moment.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Let go of the pressure to be “perfect.” It’s normal to have messy days. Set achievable goals and be flexible with your plans.

5. Stay Connected

It’s easy to feel isolated, so make time to connect with other moms or friends who understand what you’re going through. Whether through in-person meetups or online communities, sharing experiences can help relieve stress.

6. Get Sleep (or Rest) When You Can

Prioritize rest when the baby is sleeping – easier said than done … but try your best. Even if you can’t always sleep, taking time to relax can reduce physical and mental fatigue.

7. Talk About Your Feelings

Don’t hesitate to express how you’re feeling, whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a professional. Sharing your thoughts can help lighten emotional burdens and gain perspective.

8. Be Kind to Yourself

Give yourself grace. Motherhood is a learning process, and you don’t need to have everything figured out right away. Be proud of your efforts and recognize that it’s okay to have tough days.

9. Seek Professional Support if Needed

If you’re feeling consistently overwhelmed or anxious, it’s important to seek help. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can offer support and coping strategies.

10. Create a Simple Routine for Structure

Establishing a flexible daily routine, even if it’s just for feeding, naps, or self-care moments, can provide a sense of stability. A loose schedule helps reduce stress by making the day feel more predictable and manageable, allowing you to balance your needs and your baby’s.

On this World Mental Health Day, I’m reminded of the importance of community and the power of sharing our stories. As a new mom, it’s easy to feel isolated in your experience, but the truth is, many of us are going through similar struggles. Mental health is not just about self-care in quiet moments; it’s about speaking up, sharing our challenges, and supporting one another through the ups and downs of motherhood.

As I eventually return to work, I want to continue being an advocate for mental health—not just for myself, but for other moms who are trying to balance it all. We need more spaces where mental health is prioritized, where we can ask for help without judgment, and where our experiences are validated.

The balance between career and motherhood can feel daunting as you countdown the days for your return. How do you manage the mental load of both? For me, championing mental health at work starts with being honest about the challenges of returning to the workforce after maternity leave. It means setting boundaries, asking for flexibility, and ensuring that mental health remains a priority, both at home and in the office.

So, to all the new moms out there:

Be kind to yourself, embrace the messiness of this journey, and know that your mental health matters. Whether it’s navigating postpartum, building resilience, or finding balance at work, let’s continue championing mental health every step of the way.

here’s to prioritizing wellness for ourselves and for each other.

Interested in starting or continuing the conversation on mental health with your child? Be sure to check out my children’s book The Lighthouse – also available in French.

The post Balancing motherhood and mental health on World Mental Health Day appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

The power of writing on World Mental Health Day

admin — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 13:28:49 +0000

On this day six years ago, my struggles from the years prior inspired the publication of my second children’s book, The Lighthouse.

Prior to pulling this book together, I had been diagnosed with health challenges that ultimately plagued my mind for years, leading to increased anxiety and depression. Initially, all of these thoughts and feelings were a lot harder to navigate. I found myself abandoning social media, struggling to stay positive, and thinking the worst, constantly.

Eventually, however, I picked up a pen and paper and I started writing, and that writing brought me so much healing. It still does today.

The act of putting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, can transcend its traditional role and become a profound means of emotional expression and healing.

Writing offered me a sanctuary to release my emotions, thoughts, and experiences that were difficult to articulate verbally. The mere act of translating my thoughts and emotions onto paper brought me a sense of relief and release, especially when writing about all the unknowns of the future that plagued me.

While I was navigating my own story, I realized how powerful this same writing could be in helping others with healing, understanding, and support. And so, The Ligthhouse was born.

What is The Lighthouse?

The Lighthouse is a story that strives to start and continue important conversations around mental health, which opens a door to understanding, compassion and support. It is written in such a way to start a general conversation, while reinforcing the lighthouse as a symbolic emblem of resilience and hope. By initiating such conversations, we allow individuals struggling with their mental health to know that it’s okay to not be okay. We also are able to foster a culture of empathy, where reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. These conversations spark a positive ripple effect, creating a society where mental health is a priority and where no one struggles alone.

A portion of each book sale is also donated in support of the National Canadian Mental Health Association.

Why World Mental Health Day?

World Mental Health Day serves as a beacon – a lighthouse of its own. It’s a day when the world unites to acknowledge the importance of mental health, to advocate for change, and to amplify the voices that aim to continue an important global conversation. To me, publishing my book on this day was about more than just timing—it was about aligning my story with a chorus of countless others, each a testament to resilience and hope.

The Lighthouse aims to be just that, a reminder of resilience and hope.

It celebrates the courage to speak, to embrace imperfections, and to stand tall despite the storms. Each page aims to break barriers, erase stigma, and nurture empathy.

Looking back on the last six years

When I think back to the Amanda who wrote The Lighthouse, I can remember the sadness that filled her heart. I also remember, however, the resilience and pride she felt holding The Lighthouse in her hands for the very first time.

The road since then has not been an easy one. The challenges that once plagued my mind became, regrettably, a reality, and my goal of chasing motherhood only became harder and harder. The “what ifs” became more tangible and the fears became a lot harder to ignore. But despite how hard the years since 2017 have been, this book always reminds me of what I overcame and the strength I have within me to continue to do the same. I hope that in reading The Lighthouse, you find this same strength too.

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Saying goodbye to a lifelong battle and my hero Teresina Bernardo

admin — Fri, 14 Feb 2020 22:56:00 +0000

There are people in our lives — family, friends, colleagues — who move and shape us. The ones that leave an incredible mark on us that cannot be explained in words alone but with a feeling that penetrates our core — a feeling of love, strength, inspiration or hope. You may have met this person once or known them all your life, but just the same, they are the ones you’ll never forget because who you are today is somewhat owed to them.

But what if these people, your memories, and all that you’ve ever known was one day all forgotten.

Ever since I was a young child, Alzheimer’s disease has played a large part in my family’s story. As a little girl living in Canada, I first encountered Alzheimer’s disease when my grandmother (Nonna), Teresina Bernardo, came to visit from Italy for the very first time over 20 years ago.

I didn’t realize then how her inability to remember small details in our conversations would one day lead to her inability to remember me at all … but soon enough it had.
Each visit since my grandmother’s first visit in Canada brought with it new introductions and with that, probably the most emotional phase of the disease. She was with us, but at the same time she was not.

I’ll never forget our last visit. She was sitting in her kitchen telling us about her son who moved to Canada whom she loved very much … that same son was sitting in front of her that day, my father, but she did not realize it.

With each visit, the disease had progressed. From asking what was for dinner, forgetting, and asking again, to eventual silence and a complete loss of memory and function. It was a long and slow progression that spanned for me … almost my entire lifetime.

As of 2016, an estimated 564,000 Canadians are living with dementia. By 2031, this figure is expected to rise to 937,000, an increase of 66 per cent. Worldwide, at least 50 million people are believed to be living with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias.
— Alzheimer Society of Canada (ASC) / Bright Focus Foundation

For those of you reading this and learning about Alzheimer’s disease for the first time, there is so much hardship to this disease that medical definitions fail to define.

Dr. Alois Alzheimer first identified the disease in 1906. He described the two hallmarks of the disease: “plaques,” which are numerous tiny, dense deposits scattered throughout the brain that become toxic to brain cells at excessive levels, and “tangles,” which interfere with vital processes, eventually choking off the living cells. When brain cells degenerate and die, the brain markedly shrinks in some regions. — ASC

For my family, Alzheimer’s disease crippled us. In the early years, with an ocean between us, it prevented us from picking up the phone and sharing our day or milestones with our grandmother. With time, however, it not only stripped her of the small details in our conversations, but eventually of her ability to recognize her children, grandchildren, and life as she knew it.

“I have no control over which yesterdays I keep and which ones get deleted. This disease will not be bargained with. I can’t offer it the names of the US presidents in exchange for the names of my children. I can’t give it the names of state capitals and keep the memories of my husband.” ― Lisa Genova, Still Alice

Despite not having the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my grandmother, from the moment I met her she left her mark. I saw so much of myself in her — her strength, her passion, her boldness, her humility.

When I was a teenager, I was approached by a woman, a stranger, who told me that “I carried so much water in my eyes”. She was a psychic. She explained to me that water symbolized emotion and I had a great deal of it inside of me, that of my own and others. For many years, I didn’t fully understand what that meant, however, I later learned it meant that I was an empath. I remember that same water in my grandmother’s eyes — perhaps, she was an empath too.

She had a way about her that always made you feel like you were home. She was warm; she was loving; she was accepting; she was the type of grandmother you hoped you’d one day become. And while I still have a lot of life to live to see if one day that will be true, my dad certainly took after his mother and lived up to the parent I know she was proud he became.

I see so much of myself not only in my grandmother, but also in my father, and I see so much of my father in my grandmother.

“In the advanced stages of the disease, the person eventually becomes unable to communicate verbally or look after themselves. Care is required 24 hours a day. The goal of care at this stage is to continue to support the person to ensure the highest quality of life possible.” — ASC

While Alzheimer’s stopped me from getting to know my grandmother as I would have liked, much of her memory has been passed on by my father. Alzheimer’s disease may have prevented my grandmother from creating new chapters in her life’s story but my father was sure to pass on the ones she had already written.

Some of my favourite memories with my own father are the ones where he has opened up and shared his life before me. The memories he built as a young boy; his mother’s dedication and hard work to their family; and, the woman she was before Alzheimer’s disease.

“Alzheimer’s disease remains incurable. However, medications, support and care early in the disease can help manage symptoms and improve quality of life.” — ASC

Growing up, I so desperately wished I could have shared my own life with my grandmother — to explain my goals, dreams, and accomplishments; to welcome her to my first home; to introduce her to my first puppy; and, to have her at my side at my upcoming wedding. How I desperately wished she could have been there. While I knew because of her health that wouldn’t be possible, I still thought I had enough time to one day introduce her to my husband. I never imaged that instead I’d have to say goodbye.

On February 10, 2020, the world lost Teresina Bernardo.

How hard it is to write these words.

While we know she is no longer suffering, we cannot help but feel the incredible void she has left behind. A father lost his mother; a granddaughter lost her grandmother; but heaven gained an angel.

For so many years I used my voice to advocate behind organizations like the Alzheimer Society of Canada and the Dementia Society of Ottawa and Renfrew County in honour of my grandmother. While I couldn’t give her hugs or remind her every day how much I loved her, I always hoped one day she’d see all that I had done and all that I will continue to do in her name — creating a legacy that no one would ever forget.

As part of this work, in the last five years, my family and I have taken part in the Walk for Dementia to honour my grandmother and all those living with Alzheimer’s disease or a related dementia.

This year, this walk brings new meaning to our family as we will continue to remember the incredible woman that shaped our lives and inspired us to keep fighting for those like her suffering from this incurable disease. I don’t know when a cure will be found, but I know that I will never give up on those still fighting. My grandmother wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

For her, and others in our community and around the world, please donate to this year’s Walk for Dementia.

She may be gone, but I know that I now have her closer to me than ever … and in that small truth I find solace knowing that I have gained a guardian angel.

Rest in peace Nonna.

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Chasing Motherhood

admin — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 00:31:00 +0000

It’s funny that when asked to describe ourselves, we often reply with what we do for a living. So many times, I’ve shared my job title first beyond anything else. I placed so much of myself into my career that work became an integral part of defining who I was and who I wanted to be.
Yet, there are so many other ways I could define myself. I am a daughter and sister; a fiancé; a friend and colleague; a writer; a volunteer and philanthropist; and, even some days a public speaker. One thing, however, that I am not … but hope to be … is a mother.

For many years, I was chasing a succesful and meaningful career. I worked effortlessly at creating a name for myself, investing in my professional development, and putting work first in many instances. I wasn’t thinking about being a mom or starting a family because I assumed that would follow as soon as I was ready.

Society tells us to graduate; pursue a career; travel; build a home for ourselves; get married; and eventually, start a family. However, what we don’t realize is how this sequence of events can put so much pressure on women and make them feel like they’re racing against a clock.

I never felt the hands of time pressuring me in my own decisions until one day that sequence of events became challenged by a diagnosis that left me confused and incredibly vulnerable at an age where motherhood was the last thing on my mind.

I was 26 years old when I was suddenly admitted into the hospital after experiencing extreme pains in my lower abdomen. I was also 26 years old when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was 26 years old when the challenges of fertility were explained as a potential complication associated with my condition; and I was 26 years old when I in turn fell into a deep depression. At 26, I wasn’t thinking about whether I could or couldn’t be a mom; I assumed that would happen naturally for me. But when suddenly I was diagnosed with a condition that would challenge that assumption, my priorities immediately shifted from chasing my career to chasing motherhood.

It’s hard being diagnosed with a condition, learning of its potential challenges, and being explained options available to you when for me, at 26 years old, I was no where near ready to have a child. Instead, all of this information lingered in my mind, drowned me in sorrow, and challenged me both physically and mentally for a very long time.
In my first year of diagnosis, I remember how hard it was to see a pregnant mother; a newborn child; or even families walking down the street. Despite having no idea what challenges may or may not arise in my future, the what ifs ate me up inside and spat me back out weaker than I had ever been. That, paired with the side effects of medication, made for a very dark place where misery truly does love company.
I thankfully found my way out of this dark phase of my life with the help of a pen and paper (or in today’s more modern reality — my laptop). I took every ounce of raw emotion that, at the time, was oozing out of me in abundance, and wrote the poem that today is known as The Lighthouse.

I was beginning to feel hopeful, but more than anything, I was starting to feel acceptance.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I couldn’t foresee what my future would hold so I learned to let go of the worry and pain that kept me hostage and learned to accept whatever plan God had for me.

However, two years later, my journey to motherhood once again veered off on a bumpy road I was not familiar with. Admitted once more into the hospital, and now 28 years old, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) — which also included infertility as a potential complication.

I quickly started to spiral once more, drained by the continuous hospital visits, diagnoses, and medication that reminded me each day of the realities I could face.

I feared the worst.

Truth be told, writing this now that fear is still very much a reality for me. While I hope to be a mom in the near future, I feel society’s pressure rising. Now, 30 years old, I understand why so many women feel anxiety around timing.

Time never worried me until one day it did. And while that worry has had its ups and downs, it has also helped me to reprioritize my life and realize just how much I want to be a mom.

It took me a long time before I reached a point in my life that I could share this story, or even find some lesson learned. For a long time, all I could see was darkness, worry, and pain. It’s when I started opening up, however, that I realized just how not alone I truly was.

What I leaned from this experience and what I hope you will learn from reading this now is to stop expecting society’s sequence of events to unfold as imagined for everyone. Chasing motherhood can be and mean something entirely different for so many women. It can be the mom experiencing postpartum depression, the mother of three juggling schedules, the back to work mom feeling guilty, the newfound mother in adoption; or the woman struggling in silence who, though not ready to share her story on Medium, is often asked when she plans on being a mom.

Despite how happy such a journey can be, there are also a lot of women out there struggling to be moms every single day.
Be mindful of your words and remember that whatever road you or others are chasing in life, we all know it can have its moments of clear skies and of di!cult challenges. We may not always end up where society expects us to be, or where we intended to go, but I think in the end we all end up where we needed to be.

Just remember when you do arrive … you are not alone.

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Becoming a Mental Health First Aider

admin — Fri, 09 Mar 2018 18:46:00 +0000

This week I had the opportunity to participate in the Mental Health First Aid course led by the Mental Health Commission of Canada.

Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) is the help provided by a person developing a mental health problem or experiencing a mental health crisis. The course aims to improve mental health literacy and provide the skills and knowledge to help people better manager potential or developing mental health problems in themselves, a family member, friend or colleague.

While some organizations consider MHFA training mandatory, and others may volun-tell a handful of their employees to take it, I should flag as you’re reading this that my participation came from my own motivation and desire to improve the supports offered for mental health in my direct team and organization.

Why?

As a mental health advocate both in and outside of my office, much of what I know and what I share comes from both a place of personal experience and a place of learning. Talking about my own mental health, and being an ear for others to do the same, has really empowered me to make mental health a priority – one I now actively try to promote wherever I go.

In the public service, when we want to support our employee’s personal development, we sign them up for courses and training that improve their skill set and knowledge in any particular area. But why do we hesitate in sending our employees to training that would support their mental health and ability to support the mental health of others?

Raising awareness is fundamental to the conversation on mental health, but so too are courses like these that enable us to understand the signs of mental illness in ourselves and in others.

The two-day course offered a basic understanding of five key areas:

· mental health and mental health problems;

· substance-related disorders;

· mood-related disorders;

· anxiety and trauma-related disorders; and

· psychosis disorders.

While there is certainly much more that could be discussed on mental health, this course provided a good starting point for those that may not be familiar with the spectrum of mental illness.

My particular class was filled with employees from various sectors and various levels – from admins, analysts, senior advisors and managers. The format offered plenty of opportunity for discussion and questions, which proved to be immensely valuable as those in the room began to hear firsthand from those living with or supporting someone with a mental illness.

As many of you already know, I have and continue to struggle with anxiety. If you didn’t know this, chances are you would likely never know unless I told you. If you asked me four years ago if I would have shared this truth publicly, the answer would have been no. Stigma prevents so many of us from opening up and sharing our story, but it is extremely powerful when we do. This course proved this point to be true and offered more than just knowledge but a whole lot of perspective too!

Perspective is not always something that can be bundled in a course and shared with students but the honesty and bravery of the instructor – who shared her own personal story – made it possible for others to do the same.

There’s so much I could say about why I would recommend MHFA training to any one reading this now, but instead, I thought I would bundle up some key takeaways and recommendations that I think would be worth reading.

Key Takeaways

· MHFA teaches people to recognize symptoms of mental health problems; provide initial help; and guide a person towards appropriate professional help.

· The Five Basic Actions of MHFA, better known as ALGEE, is a useful acronym that can assist Mental Health First Aiders in a number of situations.

Assess the risk of suicide and/or harm
Listen non-judgmentally
Give reassurance
Encourage professional support
Encourage other supports

· The tools offered to: help someone who has taken an overdose; ask about suicide; help someone who is having a panic attack or a person who has experienced a traumatic event; and how to help a person having a psychotic episode; proved extremely valuable in building my tool kit as a Mental Health First Aider.

· You can be “listening” and then you can be “really listening” – teaching people how to be non-judgemental listeners is an important skill that will enable more conversations on mental illness.

· If you are a federal public servant, there are many resources available to you including the Employee Assistant Program – take advantage of this resource if you need to talk to someone; it is completely confidential and free.

Recommendations

I would love to see the MHFA as a mandatory course for all supervisors and managers within the public service (and private sector too!).

Managers can take many shapes and many forms – some are born leaders, while others are simply following the promotion ladder. As a result, managing people can vary quite substantially across the public sector. This course is something I believe every manager should have on their tool belt to equip them to manage their teams effectively and to serve as an example of leadership on mental health.

Food for Thought

In Canada, 1 in 5 people will personally experience a mental health problem or illness.

Imagine if 1 in 5 people were Mental Health First Aiders – what type of impact would this create?

I think a strong one.

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