Motherhood Archives - Amanda Bernardo

Rethinking Parental Leave: It’s time we start recognizing parental leave as career growth, not career interruption

admin — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 18:52:39 +0000

Becoming a mother changes everything—your routines, your priorities, and even how you see the world. But beyond the sleepless nights and endless to-do lists, it also equips you with new skills, perspectives, and even emotions that make you a stronger leader.

With that in mind, we need to flip the narrative on parental leave.

It’s not “time away” from our careers—it’s time that enables them. Just like any other learning experience, parenthood challenges us, teaches us, and strengthens us in ways that directly benefit our professional lives. The resilience, adaptability, and leadership we develop as parents make us better colleagues, decision-makers, and problem-solvers.

It’s time we start recognizing parental leave as career growth, not career interruption.

So what can we learn from this time? For me, here are a few takeaways that stand out:

Motherhood has strengthened my ability to juggle competing priorities while staying focused on what truly matters. As a leader, this skill allows me to balance strategic goals with day-to-day challenges, ensuring progress without losing sight of the bigger picture.

Raising a child requires patience, understanding, and the ability to see things from their perspective. As a leader, this translates into creating a workplace where my team feels valued, supported, and heard—leading with both strength and compassion.

Parenthood teaches you to expect the unexpected and bounce back quickly from setbacks. As a leader, this resilience helps me navigate change, uncertainty, and challenges with a solutions-focused mindset.

From managing tantrums to making quick decisions that impact my child’s well-being, motherhood has honed my ability to think fast and make confident choices. In leadership, this means I can assess situations effectively and take decisive action when needed.

Children don’t just listen to what we say—they watch what we do. This has reinforced my belief in leading with integrity, modeling the behaviours I want to see in my team, and fostering a culture of accountability and growth.

Parenthood isn’t just a personal journey—it’s a leadership masterclass.

These examples alone show that time spent raising children isn’t time away from our careers—it’s time that creates better leaders (and employees). It creates leaders with empathy. Leaders with a renewed understanding of work-life balance. Leaders equipped with the skills to achieve results and become better people managers. So when it’s time to welcome these parents back, we should embrace what they bring to the table. In fact, we should prioritize hearing from their experience and exploring how it can improve the workplace.

Whenever someone steps away from an organization or role and returns, there’s a huge learning opportunity. The trick is leveraging this feedback to strengthen your organization instead of losing this insight altogether.

If we take this one step further, when we talk about supporting employees and embracing diversity, equity, and inclusion, parenthood needs to be part of that conversation.

Creating a truly inclusive workplace means recognizing the unique challenges parents face and ensuring they have the flexibility, support, and resources to thrive. Family-friendly policies, flexible work arrangements, and a culture that values the leadership skills gained through parenthood aren’t just “nice to have”—they’re essential.

If we want to build workplaces where everyone can succeed, we need to treat parenthood as an asset, not an obstacle.

So, if you’re still reading, I challenge you to think differently about how we support working parents. Let’s move beyond the traditional mindset and start actively embracing the leadership potential parenthood brings. Create spaces for parents to share their experiences, listen to their insights, and implement changes that truly support them. From flexible work arrangements to DEI strategies that include parental support, we have the power to build more inclusive, effective, and empowered teams.

The question is: Will you make the changes needed to support this shift?

The post Rethinking Parental Leave: It’s time we start recognizing parental leave as career growth, not career interruption appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

Finding balance on maternity leave

admin — Thu, 16 Jan 2025 16:51:20 +0000

Being on maternity leave is such a special time, one that goes by faster than you realize. For many, as they embark on this new chapter, disconnecting from work is the goal; for others, staying a little connected may help with their transition back.

For me, I knew I wanted a bit of both. I wanted to fully immerse myself in this new chapter of motherhood, but I also didn’t want to feel like a stranger to my team or organization. This allows me to maintain a sense of identity outside of motherhood and keeps me tethered to the professional world I love. It also helps me feel more confident about the transition back, knowing I haven’t completely stepped away from the conversations and ideas that fuel my work.

And so, I’ve shared a quick check-in here and there with my team and thought or two (or more) here on LinkedIn.

These small interactions help stretch the parts of my brain I know I’ll need when I’m back but also offer a way for me to keep learning from afar, even in small doses.

For many, completely disconnecting during maternity leave may be the right choice—and that’s okay too. Stepping away entirely can provide the space to fully focus on this new chapter, recharge, and return feeling ready to dive back in. Everyone’s approach to this time is deeply personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

Ultimately, this approach works for me because it feels balanced. It allows me to honour this precious time at home while also keeping a finger on the pulse of my professional life. Whether someone chooses to disconnect entirely or stay a bit engaged, what matters is finding what feels right for you.

The post Finding balance on maternity leave appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

How I created a children’s book for my son using Canva

admin — Thu, 17 Oct 2024 15:08:58 +0000

As a writer, I have always found the written word to be something extremely powerful. More so, I love how a collection of words can tell a story or capture a moment in time. As a mom, I’m always on the lookout for ways to create meaningful moments with my son … and story time is definitely one of them.

This past summer, I felt an urge to do something unique for him, something that would capture his growth, curiosity, and the special bond we share every time we pick up a book. That’s when the idea of writing a children’s book just for him came to life.

Finding inspiration in every day moments

The last four months have been a whirlwind of activity, but also a time of reflection. Each month, I capture my son’s milestones, his favourite toys, the special moments he shares with friends and family. Whether it was my son’s fascination with music, becoming best friends with our dog Louie, or creating memories with his grandparents, these moments have made up his early and best days.

I wanted to bottle up these experiences and translate them into something timeless. That’s how my ABC book for my son came to be—a collection of our shared adventures, small but powerful memories, each one linked to a letter of the alphabet.

Crafting the ABCs

It was easy to capture something special for each letter of the alphabet in addition to lessons I hope he will gain from reading the book as he gets older. For example:

L is for Louie your furry best friend. With a wag of his tail the fun never ends!
M is for Mama, who makes every day bright. Her love wraps around you, cozy and tight!
N is for Nonni, who cook with such care. Their homemade lasagna is beyond compare!

By the time I reached the letter Z, I realized the book wasn’t just about learning the alphabet—it was a heartfelt tribute to our memories, friends, family and the early moments in my son’s life.

Bringing the book to life with Canva

Once I had the words down, it was time to bring them to life visually. That’s where Canva came in. Canva’s user-friendly design tools made the entire process of illustrating and formatting the book incredibly easy!

I started by creating a template that suited the playful and bright tone I wanted for the book. Canva’s library of illustrations allowed me to add colorful elements to each page. For “L is for Louie,” I found a cute, cartoon-style illustration of a white dog that perfectly captured our family dog. For “N is for Nonni,” which means grandparents in Italian, I found a fun image of grandparent’s cooking in the kitchen.

The flexibility of Canva meant I could customize each page exactly how I envisioned. I could change fonts, colours, and images to match the personality of each letter and its associated rhyme. It was a fun, creative process that reminded me of when I formally published my other children’s books, except this time the book was intended for just one special reader … my son.

Once I was satisfied with the design, Canva’s print service made it easy to turn the digital book into a tangible keepsake. This was my first time printing with Canva and I was extremely impressed with the quality of the book once it arrived. I chose to print a medium hardcover edition—something my son could flip through again and again without it wearing out.

When the book arrived in the mail, we sat down together, flipping through the pages, reliving our special moments, and pointing out the colourful illustrations that captured his imagination.

Writing this ABC book for my son was more than a creative project—it was a way to slow down and appreciate the last four months we’ve shared together.

As he grows, I hope to create more personalized books that reflect the different stages of his childhood.

For any parents out there thinking about creating something special for their little ones, I encourage you to try it! Whether it’s a book, a photo album, or a creative project you’ve been dreaming of, the time you spend capturing these moments is a gift that both you and your child will cherish for years to come.

The post How I created a children’s book for my son using Canva appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

Balancing motherhood and mental health on World Mental Health Day

admin — Thu, 10 Oct 2024 15:38:10 +0000

As a new mom, World Mental Health Day feels particularly significant. It’s a time to pause, reflect, and share the importance of mental health, especially as I navigate the early stages of motherhood and look ahead to returning to work. Becoming a mother is a beautiful and transformative experience, but it’s also one that challenges your mental and emotional well-being in ways you never expected.

After giving birth to my son, I found myself in the midst of an emotional whirlwind. Postpartum hit me harder than I thought it would. The physical recovery was challenging, but the emotional side—feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious—was something I wasn’t fully prepared for.

The reality is that the weight of sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, and the immense responsibility of caring for a tiny human is hard … and that’s okay.

Building Resilience

Resilience as a new mom isn’t about pushing through and ignoring the hard days. It’s about allowing yourself grace and time to adjust. I’ve learned that resilience isn’t about being strong all the time—it’s about knowing when to ask for help, when to rest, and when to take moments for yourself.

When you’re in the thick of sleepless nights and diaper changes, it’s important to find small ways to recharge, whether it’s a short walk, a coffee break, or a moment to journal at night. These moments of pause and reflection help build emotional resilience. It’s about finding balance amidst the chaos and recognizing that your mental health needs care and attention just like your physical health.

Navigating the “Firsts”

The early days of motherhood are full of “firsts”—first smiles, first steps, first time leaving the house with your baby. Each new milestone brings joy, but also stress. There’s the constant pressure to get everything right, to know instinctively what your baby needs, and to manage the stress of doing it all while feeling like you’re never quite enough.

For me, stress comes from wanting to be the best mom, partner, and eventually, the best leader when I return to work. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers. Navigating the unknowns of motherhood is a reminder that mental health needs to be at the forefront, because stress, if left unchecked, can easily lead to burnout.

some tips to manage your stress:

1. Prioritize Self-Care (Even in Small Doses)

Find moments in your day to take care of yourself, even if it’s just a 10-minute break. A short walk, a quiet cup of tea, or a few deep breaths can make a big difference.

2. Accept Help and Delegate

It’s okay to ask for help! Whether it’s from your partner, family, or friends, lean on your support system. Delegate tasks when possible—there’s no need to do it all.

3. Practice Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques

Incorporate mindfulness, meditation, or simple breathing exercises into your day. These can help you center your thoughts and reduce stress in the moment.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Let go of the pressure to be “perfect.” It’s normal to have messy days. Set achievable goals and be flexible with your plans.

5. Stay Connected

It’s easy to feel isolated, so make time to connect with other moms or friends who understand what you’re going through. Whether through in-person meetups or online communities, sharing experiences can help relieve stress.

6. Get Sleep (or Rest) When You Can

Prioritize rest when the baby is sleeping – easier said than done … but try your best. Even if you can’t always sleep, taking time to relax can reduce physical and mental fatigue.

7. Talk About Your Feelings

Don’t hesitate to express how you’re feeling, whether it’s with your partner, a friend, or a professional. Sharing your thoughts can help lighten emotional burdens and gain perspective.

8. Be Kind to Yourself

Give yourself grace. Motherhood is a learning process, and you don’t need to have everything figured out right away. Be proud of your efforts and recognize that it’s okay to have tough days.

9. Seek Professional Support if Needed

If you’re feeling consistently overwhelmed or anxious, it’s important to seek help. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can offer support and coping strategies.

10. Create a Simple Routine for Structure

Establishing a flexible daily routine, even if it’s just for feeding, naps, or self-care moments, can provide a sense of stability. A loose schedule helps reduce stress by making the day feel more predictable and manageable, allowing you to balance your needs and your baby’s.

On this World Mental Health Day, I’m reminded of the importance of community and the power of sharing our stories. As a new mom, it’s easy to feel isolated in your experience, but the truth is, many of us are going through similar struggles. Mental health is not just about self-care in quiet moments; it’s about speaking up, sharing our challenges, and supporting one another through the ups and downs of motherhood.

As I eventually return to work, I want to continue being an advocate for mental health—not just for myself, but for other moms who are trying to balance it all. We need more spaces where mental health is prioritized, where we can ask for help without judgment, and where our experiences are validated.

The balance between career and motherhood can feel daunting as you countdown the days for your return. How do you manage the mental load of both? For me, championing mental health at work starts with being honest about the challenges of returning to the workforce after maternity leave. It means setting boundaries, asking for flexibility, and ensuring that mental health remains a priority, both at home and in the office.

So, to all the new moms out there:

Be kind to yourself, embrace the messiness of this journey, and know that your mental health matters. Whether it’s navigating postpartum, building resilience, or finding balance at work, let’s continue championing mental health every step of the way.

here’s to prioritizing wellness for ourselves and for each other.

Interested in starting or continuing the conversation on mental health with your child? Be sure to check out my children’s book The Lighthouse – also available in French.

The post Balancing motherhood and mental health on World Mental Health Day appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

My first 100 days of motherhood

admin — Fri, 20 Sep 2024 17:00:23 +0000

In government and many organizations, new leaders often create a “First 100 Days Strategy” to set the tone, establish priorities, and build momentum. As I prepared for my new role as a mom, I realized that creating such a plan was much harder in this context. While I received plenty of advice on what my first 100 days might look like, I found that each experience is unique and my own thoughts would take time to be written. So, now that I’ve had a chance to pause and reflect, here’s what I learned thus far. I hope that it proves helpful in your own journey.

It’s hard to imagine what motherhood is all about until you’re in the thick of it. For me, it was a long awaited chapter I so desperately wanted to experience after a long road of complications with endometriosis, PCOS, and adenomyosis. When our son was born, and the “what ifs” of these conditions finally disappeared, having the title of mom felt absolutely surreal.

There are no words to describe how giving birth absolutely changes you, but since that moment all I know is that it had.

I went from chasing motherhood to becoming a mom, and in that journey I’ve learned so much. I learned not only about myself but also the tips, tricks, and tools to navigate this next chapter in my life with as much ease, support and compassion as I possibly can – recognizing that sometimes these lessons and ways of doing things can be completely rewritten.

Here's what I learned -

First and foremost, I discovered a love so profound that it has changed my entire outlook on life. This new bond with my son is unlike any other, filled with an overwhelming sense of care and responsibility that goes beyond what I could have imagined.

This love taught me the importance of being present and slowing down. I learned to live in the moment, to not always plan ahead, and to savour time more than ever before.

I learned a new kind of patience – whether it was dealing with sleepless nights, constant feeding, or simply navigating all the firsts and unknowns. It’s natural to feel uncertain or frustrated when things don’t go as planned, but giving yourself grace during this transition allowed me to adjust to my new role of mom with compassion.

Motherhood also showed me that it’s okay to not have all the answers. It taught me the importance of self-compassion—of being gentle with myself when things don’t go as planned and of celebrating the small victories that come from simply doing my best.

With that, I learned that motherhood can be physically and emotionally demanding. New moms learn just how strong and resilient we are as we navigate challenges such as childbirth, postpartum recovery, and the daily demands of caring for a newborn.

This chapter is truly a testament to the incredible capacity of mothers to adapt, endure, and thrive, even when faced with the most exhausting and trying moments.

This is why having a strong support system is so important. Whether it’s family, friends, or fellow moms, having people to lean on has made a huge difference. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I learned the value of that village early on.

It’s also important to remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a recognition of the importance of self-care and well-being for both you and your baby. There will be moments when you feel overwhelmed or unsure, and that’s okay—no one expects you to do it all on your own. Reaching out for support allows you to recharge and ensures that you can be the best version of yourself for your child.

If you didn’t practice self-care pre-baby, chances are it’s even lower on your list post-, but in order to be that best version of yourself you need to prioritize self-care. Taking time for yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. The reality is, motherhood has no off switch. This constant responsibility makes it all the more important to find balance so that you’re not running on empty. Whether it’s finding a few quiet moments to meditate, taking a walk, or simply indulging in a favorite hobby, these small acts of self-care can replenish your energy and help you create a more balanced life where you can continue to give your best to your child and self.

As I navigated these first 100 days of motherhood I not only learned valuable lessons like the ones shared above, but I also discovered practical tools and products that made this journey a bit easier. Some of these have been shared below.

The first 100 days of motherhood have already transformed me in ways I could have never imagined, but I know this is only just the start. Each day, week, month, and year will bring new challenges, lessons, and joys that will continue to shape who I am as a mother … but also as a leader.

With an eventual return to work, I know this shift in my perspective will undoubtedly reshape how I approach my professional life.

My experiences as a mother will enrich how I engage with colleagues, tackle challenges, and contribute to my organization. But it will also support me in advocating for better workplace environments that promote improved balance for careers and families.

As mothers, we bring invaluable insights and leadership skills that can help drive truly effective teams and make a significant impact on our organizations. If in 100 days we are able to gain so many valuable lessons, after a year we will have gained far more that will equip us to return even more valuable to our organization’s culture, leadership, and results. But in order for this value to effect change, organizations need to do better in creating the right conditions for mothers/parents to thrive. I hope I can continue to be a champion for these conditions to exist, with my own personal experiences now inspiring me.

Until then, I can’t wait to see what the next 100+ days bring.

Included below are a list of products to support not only your first 100 days of motherhood, but the days beyond as well.

These lists include items I’ve purchased and used, as well as items I’ve researched as great options and/or alternatives – items are not sponsored. This is not an exhaustive list, and the items included below should be researched based on your own preferences and needs. While many of these lists have been created via Amazon, many of these items can also be found locally. Support local where possible!

Hospital Bag & Postpartum Care

A list of must haves for your hospital bag will vary depending on who you ask or what website link you click, but here is what I found to be essential. I’ve included items for mom, baby, as well as a section on postpartum care for when you get home.

Some of my favourites are linked here on Amazon, others are linked directly below:

For Mom:

1. 1. Health Card and ID
  2. Comfortable Clothing – I lived in my nursing gown the entire visit but recommend at a minimum a comfy change of clothes for when you leave the hospital (something loose fitting is recommended).
  3. Flip flops (in case you want to shower)
  4. Toiletries – for example:
    1. - Toothbrush and toothpaste
      - Hairbrush or comb
      - Lip balm
      - Deodorant
      - Shampoo, conditioner, and body wash (especially if you want to shower before going home)
      - Hair ties or headbands
      - Face wipes or a gentle cleanser
      - Moisturizer

1. 1. Postpartum Essentials – for example:

- - - Feminine hygiene products (the hospital may provide some, but it’s good to have your own)
    - Comfortable postpartum underwear (high-waisted or disposable)
    - Peri bottle (the hospital may provide one)

1. 1. Medications – Any prescription medications you’re currently taking
  2. Tech – for example:

- - - Phone and charger
    - Headphones or earbuds
    - A mini fan (this was one of the best recommendations I got that I did not think of and appreciated immensely)

1. 1. Snacks and Drinks – High-energy snacks like granola bars, nuts, dried fruit, or crackers. An insulated water bottle is great too!
  2. Must haves for your partner – They may also want to bring a change clothes, pillow, blanket, and toiletries.

Additional support and resources are available via Parenting Ottawa.

For Baby:

1. 1. Going-Home Outfit – Depending on the season, pack a weather-appropriate outfit, including a hat and mittens if needed.
  2. Receiving Blankets – Lightweight, breathable blankets for swaddling. The hospital usually provides this but an extra doesn’t hurt just in case.
  3. Diapers and Wipes: The hospital usually provides diapers, but asked we bring our own wipes.
  4. Car Seat – Ensure it’s properly installed in your vehicle before heading to the hospital. You can leave this in the car until you are discharged and ready to take baby home.
  5. Nursing Essentials – If you plan to formula feed, bring your preferred brand and bottles. The hospital can also supplement if your breastmilk doesn’t come in right away. You may want to bring a handheld breast pump to help stimulate your supply while in hospital. A nursing bra for those breastfeeding may also be added to mom’s list for comfort and ease of use.
  6. Diaper Bag – Everything for baby can be brought to the hospital in your diaper bag.

For Postpartum:

While some postpartum essentials have been mentioned above and/or linked via Amazon, a few other notable mentions are included below.

1. 1. Postnatal multivitamin – there are many options out there, but one that I recently ordered was from Everydae. Speaking to a naturopath is another option to ensure you are getting exactly what you need.
  2. Robe – a comfortable robe will make those first few weeks at home much more comfortable – check out the Love & Lore robe as an option.

For additional postpartum support, the Baby Academy Canada offers some great resources – both free and paid – including a first 6 weeks at home class for both mom and baby.

Daily Essentials

Many of the items I use on a daily basis as a first-time mom can be found here on Amazon, from diapers to nursing products, and so much more. This is not an exhaustive list and grows/changes monthly with baby.

Playtime & Baby Books

Some of my favourite books to read to baby, including helpful reads as a first-time mom, are linked here via Amazon. I’ve also included some of our favourite toys and developmental activities.

To keep playtime comfortable, I’m also linking a Canadian small business that offers beautiful, high-quality play mats – Ourson (Featured in the article header photo).

Not listed above are some of the great resources and activities in our city (Ottawa). I’ve included these below:

- EarlyON – EarlyON Child and Family Centres offer free, high-quality programs for families and children from birth to 6 years old where you can: join fun activities – reading, storytelling, sing-alongs, games and more; get advice from professionals trained in early childhood development; find out about other family services in your community; and, connect with other families with young children
- Lullaland – New to Ottawa, these classes are great for mom and baby. Lullaland offers sensory classes that are backed by research, designed with creativity and crafted to encourage the rapid development of your little one in their formative years.
- Monkey Rock Music – Monkey Rock Music is a fun, entertaining and creative participatory music program for young children and their adult caregivers.
- Little Rebels Music – Little Rebels offers classes for infants (2 months to 6 months), babies (7 months to 14 months), toddlers (15 months to 24 months), and big kids (2 years to 5 years). Their classes encourage cognitive learning, muscle development, and creative play through music and movement.
- City Programming – As baby gets bigger, there are a lot of activities and programs available locally through the city.

Don’t forget to also check out my children’s books – Little Voice and The Lighthouse – for your home library!

Baby Travel Essentials

Whether you are travelling afar or close to home, I pulled together some essential products that helped with each of these trips. Some of these items are included in the daily essentials list above, while a few extras have been added to this dedicated list via Amazon.

Applications

While technology always has its pros and cons, the following applications have had a positive impact in how I am able to navigate my own journey of motherhood.

Huckleberry

A great app to help track baby’s day, discover patterns and help with sleep. Especially helpful in the early days of tracking diapers and weight gain for your doctor. I also upgraded to their Plus Membership and take advantage of their Sweet Spot predictions to help with nap time ($74.99).

The Wonder Weeks

The Wonder Weeks is a great app that was referred to me by a fellow mom to help learn about my baby’s development. Tracking baby’s development also helps know when they will be a bit more fussier than usual as a result of the changes they are experiencing. The app also suggests great activities to help your baby develop these new skills. The app is $7.99.

Journal

iPhone’s Journal app (free) has been a great way to capture memories, firsts, and so much more. I’ve been taking pictures and writing entries since the day I found out I was pregnant. While I am a typically pen and paper journalist, having the ease of capturing everything on my phone meant I was able to be more frequent with my entries. Whether you capture this chapter of your life on your phone or in a book, I highly recommend writing/photographing this special time in your life any chance you get.

Spotify

While music is great in any chapter of life, I find myself integrating it more and more into our daily routine. Whether it be listening to a podcast while cleaning, re-learning children classics during playtime, or simply playing a lullaby to help with nap time, the ease of accessing it from my phone is priceless. Some of my favourite playlists for baby are listed below:

Audible

It’s definitely a lot harder to pick up a book these days, but listening to one is definitely doable! To keep reading, I’m listening to books via Audible during car rides, naps, or wherever I can squeeze in a few minutes for me.

I hope these lessons and recommendations provide some comfort and guidance as you navigate your own journey of motherhood.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay not to have all the answers upfront. Every mom’s path is unique, and what matters most is that you embrace the process, learn along the way, and trust yourself. You’ve got this!

The post My first 100 days of motherhood appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

Celebrating motherhood and milestones

admin — Sun, 12 May 2024 09:04:34 +0000

Ten years ago, I joined the public service as a term employee. Ten years later, I’ve since had the opportunity to work in several departments and roles that have turned a job into a career.

Throughout the last ten years, I’ve had the opportunity to contribute to meaningful work; meet colleagues from coast to coast to coast; be part of incredible learnings and events; mentor 100s of public servants; and, also be mentored by so many incredible leaders.

It’s hard to put into words what the last ten years have meant to me … but if I were to try, I would say this:

Ten years ago I had no idea what my career would look like. The public service was foreign to me, but the desire to make a difference by all those I worked with was familiar. I wanted to challenge the status quo. I wanted to champion new ways of working. I wanted to be proud of the advice and work I led … no matter the role or department. And eventually, I wanted to do all of that in a way that could prove to others that they could do the same by being authentically themselves while doing it. Over time, it was no longer just about making a difference for Canadians, but making a difference for the very Canadians I worked alongside. It was about doing government differently, even if different wasn’t always easy or supported.

I didn’t always fit that traditional mold for what a public sector leader should be, but if the last ten years taught me anything it’s that we need more leaders who don’t fit that mold.

That’s how we do government differently.

Over the last two years of my career, I’ve been fortunate to work as an executive in the public service. And while I sometimes doubted whether I belonged at the table, I’ve seen first hand how different perspectives, different ways of working, and different people are needed at said table if we are to truly change how we deliver services and programs for Canadians.

However, if truth be told, transitioning to the executive ranks at times felt impossible. While I was trying to grow as a leader in the public service, I was also trying to simultaneously grow my family …

… and the two at times felt at odds.

For those following my journey, it’s no secret that my road to motherhood has not been an easy one. In fact, for many women the road to motherhood can feel like a lonely one. And yet, despite the despair that often plagued me, the medicine and treatments I had to navigate, and the uncertain road I found myself on, I still showed up every single day for my team, my colleagues and my organization. Eventually, however, I realized that showing up, even during this chapter – the hardest of my life – meant that I had to show up with strength and vulnerability. And that’s probably one of the greatest lessons I learned as a leader over the last ten years … that we need more vulnerability at the leadership table.

As Brené Brown once said:
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. To scale daring leadership and build courage in teams and organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work, tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation.”

And so despite the vulnerable road I found myself on, I owned that truth every single day. I worked hard to achieve results, but I worked harder to serve as an example of that daring leadership Brené speaks of.

But today’s post wasn’t intended to just look back on the past and share lessons learned, it was also meant to celebrate the future.

This month, I am not only celebrating my ten year milestone in the public service but I am also celebrating motherhood.

This Mother’s Day, I feel extremely blessed to share that I am expecting my first child this June.

The last eight months have been a rollercoaster of emotions but they have shown me how resilient I am – both in my goal of being a mother and a leader in the public service.

With only a few weeks left before I officially start maternity leave and anxiously await the arrival of our little miracle, I cannot help but feel gratitude for the road that got me here. Yes, it was difficult, but in the midst of all the hardship I’ve endured the past two years, I’ve become a stronger person and leader for it. I’m excited for all the lessons I will soon learn as a mother, and how this chapter will equip me to be an even better leader for it.

So, if you’re still reading this … I hope that this post can serve as a gentle reminder that vulnerability can walk hand in hand with leadership, and that it is absolutely possible to pursue multiple dreams at once – both in your career and life.

Photos by North Saplings Photography

The post Celebrating motherhood and milestones appeared first on Amanda Bernardo.

Chasing Motherhood

admin — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 00:31:00 +0000

It’s funny that when asked to describe ourselves, we often reply with what we do for a living. So many times, I’ve shared my job title first beyond anything else. I placed so much of myself into my career that work became an integral part of defining who I was and who I wanted to be.
Yet, there are so many other ways I could define myself. I am a daughter and sister; a fiancé; a friend and colleague; a writer; a volunteer and philanthropist; and, even some days a public speaker. One thing, however, that I am not … but hope to be … is a mother.

For many years, I was chasing a succesful and meaningful career. I worked effortlessly at creating a name for myself, investing in my professional development, and putting work first in many instances. I wasn’t thinking about being a mom or starting a family because I assumed that would follow as soon as I was ready.

Society tells us to graduate; pursue a career; travel; build a home for ourselves; get married; and eventually, start a family. However, what we don’t realize is how this sequence of events can put so much pressure on women and make them feel like they’re racing against a clock.

I never felt the hands of time pressuring me in my own decisions until one day that sequence of events became challenged by a diagnosis that left me confused and incredibly vulnerable at an age where motherhood was the last thing on my mind.

I was 26 years old when I was suddenly admitted into the hospital after experiencing extreme pains in my lower abdomen. I was also 26 years old when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was 26 years old when the challenges of fertility were explained as a potential complication associated with my condition; and I was 26 years old when I in turn fell into a deep depression. At 26, I wasn’t thinking about whether I could or couldn’t be a mom; I assumed that would happen naturally for me. But when suddenly I was diagnosed with a condition that would challenge that assumption, my priorities immediately shifted from chasing my career to chasing motherhood.

It’s hard being diagnosed with a condition, learning of its potential challenges, and being explained options available to you when for me, at 26 years old, I was no where near ready to have a child. Instead, all of this information lingered in my mind, drowned me in sorrow, and challenged me both physically and mentally for a very long time.
In my first year of diagnosis, I remember how hard it was to see a pregnant mother; a newborn child; or even families walking down the street. Despite having no idea what challenges may or may not arise in my future, the what ifs ate me up inside and spat me back out weaker than I had ever been. That, paired with the side effects of medication, made for a very dark place where misery truly does love company.
I thankfully found my way out of this dark phase of my life with the help of a pen and paper (or in today’s more modern reality — my laptop). I took every ounce of raw emotion that, at the time, was oozing out of me in abundance, and wrote the poem that today is known as The Lighthouse.

I was beginning to feel hopeful, but more than anything, I was starting to feel acceptance.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I couldn’t foresee what my future would hold so I learned to let go of the worry and pain that kept me hostage and learned to accept whatever plan God had for me.

However, two years later, my journey to motherhood once again veered off on a bumpy road I was not familiar with. Admitted once more into the hospital, and now 28 years old, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) — which also included infertility as a potential complication.

I quickly started to spiral once more, drained by the continuous hospital visits, diagnoses, and medication that reminded me each day of the realities I could face.

I feared the worst.

Truth be told, writing this now that fear is still very much a reality for me. While I hope to be a mom in the near future, I feel society’s pressure rising. Now, 30 years old, I understand why so many women feel anxiety around timing.

Time never worried me until one day it did. And while that worry has had its ups and downs, it has also helped me to reprioritize my life and realize just how much I want to be a mom.

It took me a long time before I reached a point in my life that I could share this story, or even find some lesson learned. For a long time, all I could see was darkness, worry, and pain. It’s when I started opening up, however, that I realized just how not alone I truly was.

What I leaned from this experience and what I hope you will learn from reading this now is to stop expecting society’s sequence of events to unfold as imagined for everyone. Chasing motherhood can be and mean something entirely different for so many women. It can be the mom experiencing postpartum depression, the mother of three juggling schedules, the back to work mom feeling guilty, the newfound mother in adoption; or the woman struggling in silence who, though not ready to share her story on Medium, is often asked when she plans on being a mom.

Despite how happy such a journey can be, there are also a lot of women out there struggling to be moms every single day.
Be mindful of your words and remember that whatever road you or others are chasing in life, we all know it can have its moments of clear skies and of di!cult challenges. We may not always end up where society expects us to be, or where we intended to go, but I think in the end we all end up where we needed to be.

Just remember when you do arrive … you are not alone.

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